HOW TO TRAIN YOUR ZOMBIE
CASE STUDY 3: Ed the Christian [verse1]
HOW TO TRAIN YOUR ZOMBIE_
CASE STUDY 3:_ Ed the Christian
This was by far the most fascinating of my investigations. This is the one where I learned that you can accurately identify the IQ of a zombie and the depth of torture used to induce schizophrenia by asking certain questions – yes or no type questions that seem innocuous to others present but the zombie will be unable to answer.
Ed is an elder at a Baptist church I attend. There is a Sunday School group set aside for the older men of the congregation. These men are the backbone of the church; they are the elders and deacons. Like most Sunday schools they read from a monthly lesson plan (propaganda booklet) published by the Southern Baptist convention to keep them in a certain train of thought that will keep them from asking the tough questions about their faith.
For instance, they can easily read through the Bible annually without realizing that Easter is not the same as Passover. One is a pagan holiday named after the fertility goddess Ishtar and the other is a convocation proscribed by YHWH. Or that in 1 Chronicles 21 and 2 Samuel 24 King David commanded a census of Israel against the commands of God but in one verse the idea was put into David’s head by Satan and in the other it was God. Or that the moon and the sun are both in the firmament -which seems to be a term for the atmosphere. It is little things like that – that may either shake someone’s faith or cause them to dig deeper and gain a much better understanding of what the Bible really says.
Like children, zombies enjoy having a story narrated to them rather than asking adult questions that may require them to change their opinions and restructure their neurons. This is a symptom of the schizophrenia. Instead of approaching a subject objectively like adults these men who compose the skeleton of the church prefer a more cult-like approach. They choose to be children. They look like old men but think like children – especially about the most important subject of all that concerns their fate for eternity. As they edge closer to that day when they will close their eyes for the last time in this world they cling even tighter to their belief system, never to even entertain the idea that any portion may be wrong.
Ed is the smartest one of the group. He is a retired high school teacher as are many of these men. He taught math, the most mentally challenging of the mental tools available to man, for 40 years. Any time I deviated from the prescribed mental script of the propaganda he would derail the thought with a joke that he created on the spot and was usually quite clever. He has bad teeth so he would avoid smiling and therefore deliver all his humor with a dry deadpan delivery that would have made Buster Keaton proud.
Ed part 2: The brain
