WHAT EXACTLY IS A DOUBLE BIND? Part 2
METACOMMUNICATION – Framing the context of your words
Metacommunicative messages are:
“What do you mean?”
“Why did you do that?”
“Are you kidding me?”
Children do not get sarcasm. It needs to be interpreted for them.
The child who has not yet learned metacommunication will receive mixed signals. If this is repeated throughout his life he will not know how to act or think. He will never be sure of another person’s motives for that person’s statements. He must always choose between literal and covert. This is schizophrenia. 2 minds. 2 ways a sentence can be interpreted.
This is why schizophrenics tend to speak in metaphors that to normal people seem like word salads or non-sequitur outbursts.
Example: A psychiatrist was late for his appointment with a schizophrenic patient. The patient could not ask, “Why were you late? Is it because you don’t want to see me today?” That would be an accusation. So he turns it into a metaphor of what he wishes to say, “I knew a fellow who missed a boat once. His name was Sam and the boat almost sunk.” The metaphor brings safety. It gives him a way to weasel out of a potential double bind and not offend his analyst. It is a way of avoiding impossible situations.
Imagine a child growing up in a secluded rural setting in a family that spoke in NOTHING but sarcastic language. How would it affect that child’s mind? How would he react to the outside world when he finally encountered it 20 years later?
THAT, my friends is what schizophrenia is really like. Is it any different than brainwashing in a North Korean detention center? Imagine the devastation that it would cause to someone’s psyche. Yet we ALL have been exposed to this in various degrees. Sometimes this is called mixed messages or sending mixed signals. Depending on the degree of intensity and situation it has many names. Double binds have been hiding in plain sight all our lives.
Double binds are often used in a passive aggressive manner by modern parent inflictors.
They usually start with the word “Don’t” as questions:
Don’t you care?
Don’t you want to make me happy?
Don’t you understand?
Don’t you know better?
How do you answer these questions?
How can a child answer them?
Or they can be commands:
Do not see this as punishment.
Do not think of what you must do.
Do not question my love.
Be spontaneous!
Or tricky passive-aggressive lines like:
You don’t really mean to say that.
WHAT EXACTLY IS A DOUBLE BIND? Part 3
You can’t Build Back Better unless you break it first